Looking for Trouble?
people who like puppets, weird stalkers, or Dioramarama!

2008 was probably the lowest time in my life.  I was the prettiest I’d ever looked and the most lost and confused.  I was living in a house of musicians which would have been good except everyone was a negative pothead/alcoholic who’d all lived together in a toxic codependent relationship for years, and were as, if not more, mentally disturbed then I was or have been.  I was the new addition to the house and because I was surrounded by depressed people with substance problems I started mirroring the worst of the collective psyche of the house.

But enough about that, the point is, I was still naïve and very lonely, and still in love with pro-wrestling.  I was contacted by a guy named “Yakking with Faze” who wanted to interview me for his youtube channel.  I thought, “Great, Im producing a show in a couple of months, he could interview me about the show and when he posts it I can share it as an ad for the Event!”  I went to his channel and it was pretty terrible.  He had a super fancy puppet but he had NO character voice, no character emotion, basically it was just a guy badly and awkwardly talking to pro-wrestlers thru a puppet.  But silly me I thought “any media is good media” 

So I email him my number, I said “call me we will figure this out.”  So he calls me, we set up a filming time (or so I think) and then I rant about pro-wrestling on the phone for 20mins because at the time I was REALLY into talking about wrestling with anyone who would listen.

He asked me to meet him at some mini-con in Metro Toronto Convention Centre.  When I got there, he was really nervous and quiet, and when I asked where we were filming he said “We’ll I thought we could just wander around the con, and maybe film later.” I was very confused by this and a little upset.  I informed him that I had stuff to do that day and only had an hour to spare for filming.  He seemed taken aback when I said this, like he thought we were gonna hang out or something. 

So we find a quiet-ish place and sit down.  He takes forever to set up a camera, and when I asked to review his questions b4 we started, he told me that he hadn’t prepped anything and we were just going to chat.  I was dealing with an interviewer who didn’t do any prep work, or any research.  It was like dealing with Fox News!  Obviously this frustrated and therefore angered me.  I reminded him we had made a deal, that I had agreed to do the video only if he interviewed me about my upcoming show.

The interview filming itself took about 45 minutes because I had to lead him into asking me the right questions, and we had to keep stopping cause he didn’t know what to say to me.  When we finally got some footage of him asking me relevant questions, I was already 1/2hour behind schedule, but he was visibly upset and let down that I didn’t want to wander the con with him.  I left the building thinking “jesus Christ, did that guy ask me to be in a video because he thought it was a date? What the fuck?”

It should have been obvious from his Youtube page that he was NOT professional in any way, but I didn’t realize how delusional this guy was until the next day, when he started messaging me online non-stop.  Every time I signed on to messenger he’d immediately msg me “hi!”.  Just that.  So I’d respond with “hello” and go about my writing/photoshopping/interneting tasks.   After a few minutes, I’d start getting frantic msgs going “why wont you talk to me?!”  Which was weird, because I had responded to what he wrote and wasn’t “not talking” to him.

Day after day he would jump down my throat as soon as I signed on to messenger with nothing to say to me, and when I didn’t respond to his nothing he would start freaking out and asking me why I didn’t want to talk to him, and why wasn’t I his friend and friends would never treat people the way I treated him, and I needed to be nicer to him.  I was baffled and flabbergasted by all of this because he was just some guy who interviewed me from his shitty youtube channel.  I engaged in nice conversation with him while doing business, because that’s how normal civilized people act.  But he had somehow taken my interest in talking about wresting and a desire to get more camera time for promotions as a deep romantic connection between us. 

What I should have done was cut ties immediately and told him never to use the video footage.  But we live and learn by making the wrong choices sometimes.  And I made the mistake of being nice to him and trying to calm down his insecurities, so that I could get a copy of the edited video interview.  But really, I should have just accepted I was being held hostage by an emotionally unstable baby who cried when the world didn’t fit his fantasy in his head.  But enough about how my mother raised me.

I advised him against investing thousands of dollars in action figures because you have to be a certain level of popular for that investment to be worthwhile.  I gave him an example of a friend of mine who was fairly popular in the city but had lost money on toy investments.  This prompted him to rage against me and angrily accuse me of saying he was a failure who would never amount to anything.  I re-read what I wrote, and I still to this day DO NOT know where he read any of that.

At this point you guys are probably all thinking “God what a horrible needy drag this guy is, why didn’t you block him from everything?”  I did eventually, but I wanted that video, so I put up with his crap because I was taught to be infinitely patient with people who are abusive towards me.  But again, enough about how my mother raised me.

Finally.  It’s four days before the show.  I’ve been putting up with this guys emotional online rants for a month and no sign of a video anywhere.  I call him out, ask him where my video was, and point out that he had broken his side of the deal by not getting me the video on time.

Do you know what he wrote back?  “I haven’t had time to edit your video because I’ve been working on my Star Wars Diorama.”  I HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO EDIT YOUR VIDEO BECAUSE I WAS WORKING ON MY STAR WARS DIORAMA!!!  HE WROTE THIS.  THIS IS NOT A BIG BANG THEORY JOKE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

So at this point I’m all “wow this guy is legit crazy, legit selfish and cant even keep a promise, let alone adhere to other people’s schedules. I’m done!”

I don’t remember what I wrote back but I know I immediately blocked him on everything because, to quote the Internet, “Aint’ nobody got time for that shit.”

Then my inbox got flooded with these emails about how I was a shitty friend who didn’t treat their friends right and how dare I do this to him, and basically chastising me for, oh I don’t know, not acting EXACTLY like his fantasy.  It was a lot of delusion of a deep relationship that we DID NOT have.  I barely knew this guy and he had pinned all sorts of ideas and fantasies on me! I ignored all of them because at this point I knew there is no talking sense into a crazy person who is unwilling to see reality as it is.

I haven’t heard from him in years thankfully, but I got what I thought was a spam but after reading it, I think he read my essay yesterday… and he STILL doesn’t understand that agreeing to be interviewed by someone is NOT the same as agreeing to be friends with someone, and is DEFFINATLY not agreeing to date someone.   And apparently he still thinks I was his girlfriend.  Here’s what he wrote:

I did like you, wanted to learn and train with you as i said i was serious, nervous and bit unsure, i felt like today you didnt care as much or was not interested in chatting thats why i got really upset.

I feel i should have regular communication with the person i’m with and they should be easy to talk to and get hold of, instead of guessing

I HAVE NOT TALKED TO THIS PERSON SINCE 2008!!  REMEMBER!  I MET THIS GUY ONCE FOR AN HOUR! And he thought that made me the person he’s with?  What?  WHAT?  AND HE COULDN’T ADHEAR TO HIS CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS BECAUSE HE HAD TO MAKE HIS STAR WARS DIORAMA.  And he probably still doesn’t understand why this is a problem.  

Aspergers is a bitch.

EDIT: A friend of mine read this and pointed out that the guy was probably Schizophrenic.  Having delt with Schizophrenic stalkers before this makes his behaviour make a lot more sense.  So the lesson is don’t ty to talk reason into a scizo, their narative, although it involves you, doesnt actually involve YOU

HERE IT IS! THE (redone, cause I suck a proof reading) POSTER FOR NEVER GONNA GROW UP BURLESQUE!!  Done by the amazing Maya Nord!  
GET YOUR ADVANCE TICKETS HERE!  CHECK OUT THE FACEBOOK EVENT HERE!
COME SEE ALL SORTS OF NERD BURLESQUE LIKE ZOMBIES! DC/MARVEL COMIC CHARACTERS! LABYRINTH! DISNEY VILLANS! STAR TREK!  STAR WARS!  STEAMPUNK! AND MORE!!! INCLUDING WACKY VAUDEVILLE SHENANIGANS FROM HOST CANADIAN WOLFMAN AND PERFORMERS FROM NERD GIRL PINUPS, UNDERGROUND PEEPSHOW, GREAT CANADIAN BURLESQUE AND MORE!!

HERE IT IS! THE (redone, cause I suck a proof reading) POSTER FOR NEVER GONNA GROW UP BURLESQUE!!  Done by the amazing Maya Nord!  

GET YOUR ADVANCE TICKETS HERE!  CHECK OUT THE FACEBOOK EVENT HERE!

COME SEE ALL SORTS OF NERD BURLESQUE LIKE ZOMBIES! DC/MARVEL COMIC CHARACTERS! LABYRINTH! DISNEY VILLANS! STAR TREK!  STAR WARS!  STEAMPUNK! AND MORE!!! INCLUDING WACKY VAUDEVILLE SHENANIGANS FROM HOST CANADIAN WOLFMAN AND PERFORMERS FROM NERD GIRL PINUPS, UNDERGROUND PEEPSHOW, GREAT CANADIAN BURLESQUE AND MORE!!